Honestly, I think I’ve been in denial. But today I realized that pleading to know why or grasping to find a reason that makes sense has led me nowhere. Before Nicole was diagnosed, she shared a song on Facebook. I listened to it many times over those weeks – even writing out the words to hang on my computer – but I never grasped the depth of the song until I was driving home and heard “Nicole has gone to be with Jesus”.
“Though You slay me, yet I will praise you.
Though You take from me, I will bless Your name.
Though You ruin me, still I will worship.
Sing a song to the One who’s all I need.
My heart and flesh may fail.
The earth below give way.
But with my eyes, with my eyes I’ll see the Lord lifted high on that day.
Behold, the Lamb that was slain and I’ll know every tear was worth it all.”
And then the clip from John Piper that I have been whispering to myself over and over… “It wasn’t meaningless. It’s doing something… of course you can’t see what it’s doing. Don’t look to what is seen…”
I may never see the meaning, but I am clinging to the truth that this is not meaningless. That someday every tear… every freaking tear will be wiped away. That even when my heart and flesh fail and the earth gives way and I scream “Why?!”, Christ’s sacrifice, punishment and death is still all that I need… Oh that Christ will shine through this brokenness and keep in His grasp those who are hurting.
If you would like to hear more of the story, Mark gave a beautiful tribute to his wife in the Lansing State Journal today.